Jimmy Carr Jokes – Very Funny Quotes

Jimmy Carr has a dark sense of humor, often controversial. Some people hate him, but most love him! Although a good presenter of 8 Out Of 10 Cats his main strength is definitely stand up, he has released lots of highly rated DVDs including Telling Jokes, In Concert and quite a few more. All available to buy online now, with some available at great prices.

Here is a collection of some top Jimmy Carr gags.

• Say what you like about these servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan, but we’re going to have a fucking good Paralympic team in 2012!
• I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they’re not a proper present. “Happy birthday, mum!”.
• My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said “Alright, fatty”.
• British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
• My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, until the accident.
• I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead.
• A big girl came up to me after a show once and said “I think you’re fatist.” I said “No, no. I think you’re fattest!”
• I’m not saying Michael Jackson is guilty. But if I was a billionaire paedophile, I’d buy a funfair for my back garden.
• I hate those emails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got 10 the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It’s the two from my mum that really hurt.
• If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?
• Remember, A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. So be careful at the next office Christmas party.

As an extra here is a great clip of Jimmy in action on the Late Late Show.

For more on the funny man check out his official website, or just turn on the TV – he’s normally on Dave, or Challenge TV or Channel 4 or somewhere! Alternatively splash some cash on his DVDs.

Copyright: Top photo is a screenshot from performance on QI.