Here is a collection of some of the funniest jokes by British comedian Jack Dee. He is well-known for his sardonic, deadpan style of humor. Jack has also released several highly rated stand up DVDs including Live Again, London Palladium and a box set of performances, all worth buying.
Here are 9 of his finest quotes + videos at the bottom:
“I hate people who think it’s clever to take drugs…like custom officers. Aren’t they a bunch of b*****ds, all that finger up the a***hole, all day long. They put a uniform on, for a job like that, can you imagine doing that? ‘Just off to work now dear’. ‘Have a nice day day at the orafice’.”
“One of my friends went on a murder weekend…now he is doing life for it”
“My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night…First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”
“I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!”
“Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange…It’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.”
“The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.”
“Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle.”
“The film industry is like Anne Robinson…always on the look-out for a new face”
“Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.”
You’ve got to love Jack Dee, always good for a laugh! Here are some clips of the man in action:
Page updated; now with videos and info about his DVDs, enjoy the funnies!