Lee Evans is a popular English stand-up comedian who rose to fame in the 1990′s and has remained popular ever since. He is famed for his loud, sweaty, humorous voices, physical observational comedy and highly energetic performances.
He has released quite a few highly rated DVDs well worth buying including Live at the 02, the XL tour, and 94-05 Complete Comedy Collection, he has also appeared in various movies.
9 of his funniest lines, videos at bottom:
- “I like it when the waiter askes you if you want parmesan cheese on your dinner, yeah, give me essence of puke all over me tea!”
- “I love restaurants, and that’s the thing now, they always boast about now, restaurants…home made cooking…I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here! ‘cos I don’t like the shit at home! Yeah…you know! And they don’t say who’s home it is, do they! Could be a mental home, couldn’t it!”
- (talking about fizzy drinks) “Who built that machine, to let that can, filled with gas, fall that far? You know, you put in that coin and it’s just like KABOOM”
- “Peanuts! What happened to peanuts! Now every buggers allergic to peanuts! It’s true, you open a packet of peanuts now, and a bunch of five year olds in a five mile radius slam to the floor, jabbing themselves with fucking adreniline!”
- “I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said “may contain nuts.” Well, fucking YES! That’s what I bought the buggers for! You’d be pissed off if you opened it and a socket set fell out!”
- “I tried water polo and my horse drowned…that was a nightmare.”
- “The thing that my wife is into now, and its fucking doing my head in it really is…pebbles. Pebbles! She collects them. No I dont mean ordinary pebbles, fuck it, I mean, varnished ones, in a dish! Is ‘where did you go on a weekend love’ ‘Skimming!’”
- “My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and go, ‘Who’s that calling at this time?’ I don’t fucking know! If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!”
- “Parcelforce! Parcelforce, Parcelforce, Parcelforce, Paaaaarcelforce! We Will Get This Package To You! Fuck Off!”
They are some quality quotes! And to top it off here are a few videos of the man himself in action.
Image: flickr/mikebarry
absolutely bloody funny almost wet my pants
Superb performance.
For fans of Lee’s he has a new DVD being released in November 2009 in time for Christmas, you can read about it here: http://www.thehumorblog.com/best-comedy-dvds-standup/562/
“do i look like ive got a melon….that is stuck half way up my arse”
love this dude….
i love this guy !
he makes me laugh so much!
god cant wait to go watch him ! think i might piss myself!
his laugh cracks me up
i really need to see this guy live, he is AMAZING.
‘i’m like love can off, off? not off, off but fuck off.’
lee evans maaaaaaan, its love (L)
This Man Is The Funniest! You Have To Love Him!
& hALF tHE jOKES hE Tells Are True hehe!
Love Him!!
<3
Ilovehim
he makes me laugh,
sooo funny!!!
Too much swearing but who cares
Age 11
i so flaming love him! He is AMAZING ! he makes me piss tbh! his laugh is hilarious! he is the ABSOLUTE best
FOREVER (YY’)
like smart smart not smart,smart,smart,smart……. love can we like off off but not off off but fuck off
This page has just been updated so it now features 3 videos and has info about DVDs you can buy from all good retailers, and of course some rubbish ones.
LOL. love this guy.
can relate to all the stuff he says.
this guy never fails to crack me up, pmsl. COMEDY GENIOUS!!
what a ;egen he is the funniest person ever you cant beet him
legend
funnyest man in the world he’s my role model.
‘strange that, they’re always in the last place you look’ ‘well yesssss, i wouldn’t look, find them, and keep fucking loooking!’
hahahaaa i love lee evans! hes quality!
lee evans is a joka