Dirty Limericks – Adult Themed Limericks

We’ve posted some funny limericks before. They were not ideal for kids, but at the same time they were not overly strong. So here we are back for more and even more brutal. Now here are 4 dirty limericks! They are all taken from the beginning of a new book titled ‘Dirty Limericks’ by Anonymous, which is available to buy now, I’m sure you can work out what the book contains.

These are adult themed so if you are easily offended, you better leave now!

There was a young man from Kildare,
Who was having his girl on the stair,
On the forty-fourth stroke,
The banister broke,
And he finished her off in mid-air!

There was a young girl of Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were fashioned by God,
But it was not the Almighty,
Who lifted her nightie,
It was Roger the lodger, that sod!

There was a young man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn’t have been,
If his father had seen,
That the end of the rubber was torn.

There was a young chap from out yonder,
Who buggered a big anaconda,
He regretted this crime,
For the rest of his time,
While the reptile grew fonder and fonder.

If you love funny limericks check out the book, it would maybe make a nice present for someone who has this sense of humour.

As always, add your own below in the fantastic area for visitors slightly down the page a bit, just scroll that little mouse of yours and you will reach your destination.

Comments

We don't have a comments system here. Instead share your funny thoughts with the world on Twitter, Facebook or Google+.

Twitter
Google
Facebook button

You can also tag us in Tweets and Google+ posts and we will join your conversation!
33 old thoughts on “Dirty Limericks – Adult Themed Limericks”.
  1. nkdgblihr says:

    There once was a gay boy name Levar.
    Who fuck mike in the back of the car.
    the horn went beep.
    they both went skeet.
    and now they can’twalkon there feet.

  2. Lew Brereton says:

    My limeric ;D

    There once was a man from china
    Who wanted to have a vagina
    So he sat on a rock 
    And cut off his cock
    And now he’s got a manjina.

  3. Jadhav says:

    There was a girl from Sydney.
    She could take it right up to her kedney.
    But a guy from Qubeck,
    shoved it up to her neck.
    He had a long one, didn’t he?

  4. Jadhav says:

    Tired of her husband’s great mass,
    newly wed stuffed her vagina with glass.
    Prick of her hubby
    is now short and stubby.
    For wife, she can piss through her ass.

  5. Jadhav says:

    There was a girl from Exeter
    So beautiful, that men craned their necks at her.
    One was even so brave,
    to take out and wave,
    distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

  6. Gary Guddal says:

    I once knew a girl from Wheeling,Who had a particular feeling,She laid on her back and tickled her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling

  7. jadhav says:

    There was a girl named clair.
    Her body was completely covered with hair.
    It was quite a fun,
    to poke her with one’s gun.
    You know, her quimmy may be anywhere!

  8. DEZZY says:

    this little boy named dog swalloew a frog, but than his mother saidthat it was a log,but afther a party he sung a song, wich he stole from a grounghog,they found out it was grounghogs day on th same day as his birthday.

  9. George says:

    my limericks that i created:

    There once was a Man named Obama.
    Who ate a really nasty vagina
    But the Whore that he ate, had syphillis on her taint,
    And now he is the President of the United States
    HOLY SHIT! :) ha ha ha (my new limerick)

    There once was a man named Osama;
    Who could not hide from the bombs of Obama;
    Till one day when seals came to play;
    who then blew his but up to Mohammad.

    Tweedle dee, tweedle dumb
    They could not carry anymore rum
    So they hired me to run that rum
    but i drank it until i cummed,
    all over that Puerto rican Bum

    Jack be nible;
    jack be quick;
    jack jumped over the candlestick;
    but oops he slipped upon the stick;
    which went up his ass, and now he is
    jack be queer with a candlestick in his ass.

    Mary who is 21 yrs old :) had a little lamb
    who’s fleece was white as snow
    then one day the whore came to play
    and i fucked her all day like a whore

    there was once a woman named Tracy
    who took too much extacy;
    As i laid down beside her;
    my prick slipped inside her
    she then screams like a banshee;
    (put it in the wrong hole) :)

    Hairy hairy sweet little cherry
    how i wander how old you are
    twas a blessing to lick your taint
    I shall taste you again in the morning :)

    Hairy hairy sweet little cherry
    how i wander how old you are
    twas a mistake to lick your taint
    now im hell a mournin. :)

  10. George says:

    Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
    eating her kurds and whey
    along came a spider and sat down beside her
    and said “YO Bitch! how much for a blow job?”

  11. cate lynn says:

    Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, but when she bent over, old rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.

  12. cate lynn says:

    Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey, along came a spider and sat down besider and said “What’s in the bowl bitch? “Little boy blue”— he needed the money!

  13. cate lynn says:

    Mary had a little sheep, with the sheep she did sleep, the sheep turned out to be a Ram, Mary had a little lamb:)

  14. cate lynn says:

    Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock, the clock STRUCK one, the other two escaped with minor injuries.

  15. Ashok Jadhav says:

    There was a girl, who begat,
    three babies,Nat, Pat and Tat.
    It was fun in breeding,
    but hell in feeding.
    There was no Tit for Tat.

  16. Ashok Jadhav says:

    There was a girl named Stacky,
    She went out with a darkie.
    The results of here sins,
    were quads, not twins.
    One black, one white and two khaki.

  17. cate lynn says:

    Hickory Dickory Dock
    the mouse ran up the clock
    The clock struck one
    The other two escaped with minor injuries

  18. steve says:

    There was a young man from Swaffham,
    Who took out his bollocks to Wash ‘em,
    And his wife said Jack,
    if you dont put them back,
    i’ll pull out a brick and squash ‘em.

  19. lisakate says:

    there was three witches from kent who found a dead man in his tent, the three naughty witches pulled down the mans britches and played with his dick till it bent

  20. lisakate says:

    there was an old women of leeds
    who swallowed a packet of seeds
    in less than an hour
    her tits was a flower
    and her fanny was covered in weeds

  21. lisakate says:

    a fly flew through a open door of a village grocer store
    pissed on the cheese and shit on the ham
    and wiped his arse on the grocer man
    the fly flew around the window pane
    and went to shit on the ham again
    when he’d finished his dirty work
    he flew across to the lady clerk
    up her leg he took a stoll
    and took a bath in the ladys hole
    she cried out oh my you bastard fly
    you cant stay there
    she squeesed her legs and held her breath
    and the poor little fly got squashed to death

  22. fancypants says:

    mary had a little lamb, her father shot him dead.
    now she takes him to school each day, between two pieces of bread.

  23. fancypants says:

    mary had a little lamb, she kept him in the yard.
    when she took her panties off, his wolly dick got hard!

  24. Edward Allerston says:

    there was a young lady from leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds in half and hour her vaginia was a flower and her arse was a bunch of weeds

  25. gte says:

    WTF is wrong with you people?

  26. Alan says:

    There was a President known as Barak,
    who tied violin strings to his cock.
    When he got an erection
    he played a selection
    from Johann Sebastian Bach.

  27. sarah says:

    There once was a girl named Sam,
    who’s twat could swallow a can…
    She hopped up on the table,
    warmed up with a ladle,
    and shoved in the Christmas ham.

  28. Steph says:

    Excellent

  29. Steph says:

    There was a young lady from Neath,
    Who circumcised men with her teeth,
    It wasn’t for money,
    Or trying to be funny,
    But the cheese she found underneath!

  30. Jadhav says:

    wow, Fantastic!
    great!

  31. Jadhav says:

    oh sh**
    great

  32. Pauly says:

    There once was a man from Cork
    Who would only eat soup with a fork.
    He said it’s not good for “binness”,
    as he finished his Guinness,
    since I actually invented the Spork.

  33. mr sinclair says:

    There was a diseased young stud
    Who enjoyed pulling his pud
    But whenever he yanked
    His goo always stank
    And gushed out along with some blood.