With his distinctive accent and brilliant gags Micky Flanagan has steadily made a name for himself as one of the top comedians in the UK. You may have seen him on shows such as Comedy Rocks, Mock The Week, Channel4 Comedy Gala or Live at the Apollo. He has also toured Britain with his stand-up shows.

Here are some funny quotes by him. Further down are some clips to watch also.

• My wife’s middle-class, she’s been skiing and everything.
• I’ve worked out what ambiance is. It’s a night out without poor people basically isn’t it.
• [in friends voice] “I spent a year surrounded by people with no hope and no future”. [own voice] I said “well we could’ve come straight into the Wetherspoons really couldn’t we”.
• My wife decided, she said “we are having sex on a Tuesday” she said. Well I thought that’s great because now I know I can leave myself alone, you know what I mean. Because you can get caught out, she comes in a bit frisky, and you have to look at her and go (shakes head) “that ship has sailed darling”.

Here are some videos of him in action. The first is a stand-up routine, the second is on the BBC show Mock The Week. Unfortunately the first one is only in 360p so the quality isn’t the best.

Want to know more about Micky? Well he is from London, and lived in America for a year as a young man. He has been performing since 1997. His fame has continued to rise and he has appeared on Mock The Week, Comedy Rocks, Live at the Apollo, Channel4 Comedy Gala, Royal Variety Performance. He is such a top comedian no doubt we will continue to see more and more of him.

You can also see him live on stage. Check current tickets available at the TicketMaster website. Well worth going to see if you get the chance.

Image used of Micky as a category thumbnail.

He may be in his eighties but comedy veteran Ken Dodd still plays 150 gigs a year, around half the number he performed at the height of his 55-year career. With his wild hair, buck teeth and famous feather dusters, or ‘tickle sticks’, Dodd is the self-styled King of the Diddy Men. With his signature tune, Happiness, his traditional music-hall style act may seemed dated to some modern audiences, but he still has legions of admirers.

Quotes

• Did you hear about the shrimp that went to a prawn’s cocktail party? He pulled a mussel.
• Try shoving an ice-cube down your wife’s front – ‘There’s that chest freezer you wanted.’
• How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows – it’s never been done.
• Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
• What do you do sir? (to a man in the audience.) I’m a consultant in steel and iron. Ah so you steal and your wife irons!
• I’ve done some brave things in my time. I played Nottingham Labour Club. I was the one who shouted ‘Three cheers for Mrs Thatcher’. And it was during the bingo.
• Do great comedians come in cycles? Yes, some do, but others prefer to walk to work.
• I wouldn’t part with my teeth. I’m the only patient who can sit in the dentist’s waiting room and have his teeth checked at the surgery.
• I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Watch the legend in action here:

More About The Man
Ken Dodd’s marathon sets are known for their extraordinary length, quick-fire one-liners and constant innuendo and jibes aimed at a hate figures ranging from tax collectors to local councillors and traffic wardens. (He was cleared of tax evasion in 1989.) Dodd has also had a number of hit records over the years, and one of the longest ever residencies at the London Palladium.

His book ‘Look At It My Way’ was published in October 2009. His DVD ‘An Audience with Ken Dodd’ was released in May 2010 and is available to buy in all DVD shops and some rubbish ones. Here is a slideshow of lots of releases featuring him.

Stand-up, performance poet, podcaster and musician Phill Jupitus has been a team captain on BBC 2’s music quiz Never Mind the Buzzcocks since the beginning in 1996 and also appears regularly as a guest on other panel shows, from QI (on which he has a history of impersonating host Stephen Fry) to Radio 4’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue.

He has also recently released a paperback called Good Morning Nantwich: Adventures in Breakfast Radio which has received lots of positive reviews.

Here are some funny quotes by the man.

• (On QI.) What kind of hellish quiz is this? Which one’s the odd one out? None of them! Bahahaaa! Bahahaaa!
• (On QI.) Stephen Fry: I’ll give you an extra two points if you can tell me the longest fence in the world. Phill Jupitus: The Great Fence of China!
• Stephen Fry: Why shouldn’t I strip Alan naked and cover him in gold paint? Phill Jupitus: You win your Oscar properly like everybody else!
• (On fortune cookies) I wish they’d be a bit more honest—I mean “With the amount of MSG you’ve just had, a massive coronary is on the way”!
• (On what happened to the crew of the RMS Titanic) I would imagine that in a sinking situation, you’d hope to be getting time and a half.
• (On the Bayeux Tapestry) Is it like medieval text speak?
• Brusque is a word that I would gleefully use about myself. I am not everybody’s cup of tea.
• When you are a smartarse off a pop quiz, that is going to rub some people up the wrong way.
• I can’t get arrested on the radio by the BBC these days.

Clip of him in action:

More About The Man
His career began in the mid-1980s, when he quit working in a Job Centre to become a left-wing punk poet. The former Housemartins press officer also has several dramatic roles under his belt, was the breakfast DJ on BBC 6 Music between 2002 until the end of March 2007, and worked on London’s GLR Radio. He has also supported Billy Bragg on tour, been a member of the West End cast of Hairspray, and is a regular on the summer festival circuit.

Good Morning Nantwich: Adventures in Breakfast Radio is published by HarperCollins, info further up the page. Never Mind the Buzzcocks is on TV screens in Autumn 2010 for its 24th series!