This is a guest post by celebobituaries.blogspot.com, check it out for more funny celebirty obituaries!

Tom Cruise, most known for being heterosexual and kidnapping Katie Holmes, was murdered today when a reanimated L. Ron Hubbard bashed him repeatedly over the head with a replica Oscar Cruise had fashioned for himself out of Holmes’s bra wires.

Hubbard publicly justified his actions by suggesting Cruise was a Christ-like figure and he had lived out his destiny. Sources close to Hubbard, however, complained Cruise had twisted Scientology’s teachings by implying it was secret club for repressed homosexuals who wanted their dates assassinated and disposed of immediately after coitus. Some say Cruise was misunderstood, but no, he wasn’t.

Image: photo by Alan Light

This is a guest post by celebobituaries.blogspot.com, check it out for more funny celebirty obituaries!

Britney Spears, who was ejaculated into the face of the public’s consciousness when she was sixteen years of age, legal in the UK, illegal in the US but definitely worth it, died by her own hand today after suffering a karate chop depression.

She was devastated because public opinion had sidled up to Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens, blew in their ear, sniffed their hair, and dropped aggressively soothing pills into their Alco-pops.

However, to many middle-aged male primary teachers with candy floss stuck in their beards and wanted posters across Thailand, Britney died when she hit her teens.

Image credit: EuPaparazzi.

We’ve posted some funny limericks before. Now here are 4 dirty limericks! They are all taken from the beginning of a new book titled Dirty Limericks,which is available to buy now, I’m sure you can work out what the book contains

These are adult themed so if you are easily offended, you better leave now!

There was a young man from Kildare,
Who was having his girl on the stair,
On the forty-fourth stroke,
The banister broke,
And he finished her off in mid-air!

There was a young girl of Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were fashioned by God,
But it was not the Almighty,
Who lifted her nightie,
It was Roger the lodger, that sod!

There was a young man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn’t have been,
If his father had seen,
That the end of the rubber was torn.

There was a young chap from out yonder,
Who buggered a big anaconda,
He regretted this crime,
For the rest of his time,
While the reptile grew fonder and fonder.

If you love funny limericks check out the book,would maybe make a nice present as well if you know a real joker.

A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is very tired and just wants to take a nap. She finds her seat and sits down, next to her is a very curious young man.

He wants to test the whole ‘dumb blonde’ reputation and hopefully make some money out of it. “Hey, do you wanna play a game?” he asks. “No thanks, I just want to take a nap.” “Please, it’s easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that I ask you. If you don’t know the answer, then you give me 5 dollars, and if I don’t know the answer to your question, then I’ll give you 5 dollars.”

“I really don’t want to do this. I just want to take a nap.”

“Oh but PLEASE, pretty please. Okay, how about if I don’t know the answer to your question, I’ll give you 500 dollars.” The blonde woman suddenly became interested and decided to play the game.

“Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?” the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a 5 dollar bill. She then asks “What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?”.

The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches the internet for an answer. Totally flustered & confused, he runs out of time and hands the blonde 500 dollars.

After a few hours, the young man was desperate to know the answer to the question. “PLEASE, what was the answer to your question?” the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a 5 dollar bill.

Thanks for the original story: onlyfunnystories. Image: adjourned/flickr

We have a new fanscript on our website now called Little War Of the Worlds and That written by Caleb Hutslar.

The story is based around a combination of Little Britain and the War Of The Worlds musical, bringing the two together is not easy, but the story cleverly captures the essence of the Little Britain characters and the War Of The Worlds theme.

Characters include: Andtron, Loutron, Vicktron, Daffydtron, Myfanwytron, Sebastian, Carol and more.

The script is a good length so grab a drink, sit back and enjoy!

Read now: Little War Of the Worlds and That