Welcome lovely person to this page full of funnies on the topic of Valentine’s Day, if you want to have a giggle and jokes about the big romatic day here are some little nuggets for you.

Funny Valentine Day Poems / Rhymes

• Roses are red
  Violets are blue
  I want to try anal
  Here is some lube
• Your smile is so bright
  It lights up my life
  Now please change channel
  You’re watching some shite
• My poems are crap
  But I tried my best
  Thats all I can do
  For my little love nest

Silly Jokes

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t get a date.

What happens if you fall in love with a French chef?
You get buttered up.

What do squirrels give on Valentine’s Day?
Forget-me-nuts.

Famous Quotes

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” (David Bissonette)

“Men aren’t necessities, they are luxuries.” (Cher)

“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” (Fulton J. Sheen)

Video

If you are young and not experienced with this special special occasion here are some Don’t Do’s! Enjoy.

Here is a collection of classic funny blonde jokes. If you have blonde hair please don’t be silly and take offence to these jokes, remember the definition of joke (a humorous remark not to be taken seriously!). Enjoy.

Funny Blonde jokes

Tough Puzzle
A blonde phones her mum and says “mum I’m smarter than I thought!” Her mum answers “why honey?”. She responds saying “remember that puzzle I’ve been working on for the last 2 years?” Mum says “yes”, the blonde responds “well on the box it says 3-4 years!”

Blind Man
A blind guy is on a bar stool and shouts to the bartender “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy sitting next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde and so is the bounce. I’m a 6ft tall, 200lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The chap to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler! Every single one of us has blonde hair. Think about it. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind guy responds, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it 5 times!”

Space Talk
A Russian, American, and a Blonde are chatting one day. The Russian says, “We were the first in space” The American says, “We were the first on the moon” The Blonde says, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and American look at each other and shake their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you stupid idiot, you’ll burn!” says the Russian. To which the Blonde replies, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

Crazy Driver
A policeman pulls a car over on a quiet rural road and approaches the blonde lady driver. “Excuse me lady, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road”? She replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here, I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!” Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replies, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”

Radio Gaga
There was a blonde driving down the highway listening to the radio. The presenter was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until she was so mad she turned the radio off. A mile later, she sees another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. She stopped her car, jumped out and yelled, “It’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

Here is a small collection of some of the most popular funny limericks:

There once was a man called Reg,
Who went with a girl in a hedge,
Along came his wife,
With a big carving knife,
And cut off his meat and two veg!

There was a young lady from Vanvaper,
Who wiped her butt with brown paper,
Though the paper was thin,
So her fingers slipped in,
She no longer used that brown paper!

If you have any more good limericks you are welcome to send them to us!

Knock Knock Jokes are generally pretty crap. Not funny, not clever, nothing. But when you’re drunk they can sometimes seem a little bit funny, and if you like to partake in the old social drug usage these will seem incredibly funny! Here are the best knock knock jokes I know, enjoy.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Alvin
Alvin who?
Alvin a great time, how about you?

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Spit on mish
Spit on mish who?
Ok (then you spit on their shoe)

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Amory
Amory who?
Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Doctor
Doctor who?
Yes

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Evan
Evan who?
Evan you should know who it is

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Who
Who, who?
You don’t who, owls do!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!

These are probably the best knock knock jokes out there, so if none of these made you chuckle then there is only one thing to do. Go buy a crate of your favorite tipple, get yourself merry and come back in a couple of hours – then they will be funny!

Image: sxc

Feel like annoying people? Someone at work you don’t like and feel like annoying them on their break just for the crack of it? Here’s how….

Here are 10 easy and quick ways to annoy people:

• 1. Leave the copy machine settings to: reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 97 copies.
• 2. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think”.
• 3. Practice making fax and modem noises and keep making them randomly.
• 4. Invent stupid nonsense computer jargon in conversation, see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
• 5. Disassemble your ink pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
• 6. Drum on your desk and every available surface with your hands.
• 7. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
• 8. As much as possible, skip rather than walk, preferably really close to people.
• 9. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
• 10. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

You’ve got to have balls to carry out these actions to annoy people! Do you know any other funny ways to annoy people?

Source: cfj. Image: mig

Here is a collection of 5 classic One Line Jokes. You may have heard them before but they are still incredibly funny!

Q: What is slimy, cold, long and smells a bit like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A: Mega-saur-ass

Q: Where can you find a one legged dog?
A: Where you last left it

Q: Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
A: To keep their nuts dry

Q: Why are men like cars?
A: They pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming

Check out our Jokes Category for even more collections of funny jokes!

Every year there are thousands of great April fools jokes done by big companies to fool the public, some are genuinely believable, some not so! In no particluar order here are 5 of the best april fools jokes I have seen.

• BBC discovers the worlds first flying penguins whilst filming a new documenty! Watch the clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrxmpihCjqw
• Google launches new ‘GMail Custom Time’, almost believable at first glance but read the testimonials and you soon catch on: http://mail.google.com/mail/help/customtime/index.html
• LookItsMe upset a few people last year so they when an alternative route, very funny! http://www.lookitsme.co.uk/images/aprilfool.swf
• On YouTube all featured videos redirected to Rick Roll, one of my fave’s, could you imagine the millions of viewers faces! http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
• In Aus a company called MenuLog launched a new product ZeroCal, I hope some visitors contacted them with questions about it! http://www.menulog.com.au/zero_cal

I’m sure there are lots more across the web but these are the funniest ones I found. If you have anymore let me know with a comment. Thanks, Chris.