Billy Connolly Quotes – Top Jokes!

Ever since the mid 1970′s this man has been making people laugh. He made the transition from being a folk singer to a full on comedian with huge success. As well as being a stand-up Billy has appeared in many films including ‘Indecent Proposal’ and ‘The Last Samurai’. Add in lots of guest TV appearances, his own shows, and a small library of books and you can see how huge this highly respected comic is.

So here are funny Billy Connolly jokes, right from the Scotsman’s mouth.

• “Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey….doesn’t try it on.”
• “There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter.”
• “Have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?”
• “Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.”
• “I’m famous for my bottom dances, but you’ll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds within an hour.”
• “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
• “Marriage is a wonderful invention…then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”

Here is the trailer for his latest DVD, Live In London, available now:

On The TV

You can now catch Billy doing programs such as ‘Journey To The Edge Of The World’ on ITV. But if you want to relive his classic performances you can pick up his DVDs at some great prices.

More on DVD

Over the years he has released a fair amount of DVDs, some are now available at great prices as well!

Copyright: Image used is a screenshot taken by ourselves from a video.

Post first published 27 April 2010.
About Author: Chris. I am a full-time writer, blogging on a variety of websites. I love comedy and enjoy posting about it every week.